Top 5.5 Reasons Not To Go To Sleep RIGHT NOW

1. A naked (or otherwise uncomfortably heavier-than-you-can-take) person is lying on top of you
2. The rivals of a team you cheer for will (or have just) spontaneously combust(ed) &/ or confessed to a grievous misdoing.
3. King Arthur, re-animated as a head in a jar, decrees that--
4. Science makes it possible to poop ice cream (like those girls in that video with the cup)
5. Dennis Rodman is proven to be reincarnations of Jesus, Mohammed and Buddha. After which peace between the respective religions is discovered to still be impossible because he then admits he hates himself.
6. Canada burned down the White House. Again. 

A Blog Dedicated To My Social Media Teacher

Kissing ass is a very delicate art.

If you're too obvious about it, it makes the other person uncomfortable. Especially if they are gassy. The trick is to bend quickly from both the hips and knees, and position your feet as if you were about to propose to their backside, do the deed and then use the momentum from the downward motion to move forward & away very quickly.




So when-- for example-- a teacher gives an assignment that would lend itself easily to kissing ass easily, its important to casually mention to the students interests of yours, political opinions you hold & other useful bits of information to help the process.

Or else you could get something like this, which is unstructured and random.


After all, "Hamlet" may teach you to appreciate literature, but a 16-year-old will only see words, words, words.

Top 10 Things On My Mind At This Moment In No Particular Order (7:41pm 09/27/2010)

1. What do kittens taste like, perhaps in a soup?
2. Could I take Michelangelo (the artist and the ninja turtle) in a death match?
3. Oompa-Loompas seem kinda creepy.
4. Why the hell is a woodchuck throwing wood in the first place?
5. I really want a sandwich.
6. A salad would be nice. Maybe with chicken in it.
7. I've been farting a lot today. I feel sorry for anyone who gets stuck in an elevator with me.
8. Who goes there? It is I, Arther, son of Uthor Pendragon of the Castle Camelot!
9. I shouldn't have had clam chowder in that dive made by that dirty looking dude.
10. #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9.