Top 5.5 Reasons Not To Go To Sleep RIGHT NOW

1. A naked (or otherwise uncomfortably heavier-than-you-can-take) person is lying on top of you
2. The rivals of a team you cheer for will (or have just) spontaneously combust(ed) &/ or confessed to a grievous misdoing.
3. King Arthur, re-animated as a head in a jar, decrees that--
4. Science makes it possible to poop ice cream (like those girls in that video with the cup)
5. Dennis Rodman is proven to be reincarnations of Jesus, Mohammed and Buddha. After which peace between the respective religions is discovered to still be impossible because he then admits he hates himself.
6. Canada burned down the White House. Again.